Infertility Round Two! Three or Four?
July 8th, 2010 by Jennifer, Compliance Paralegal, Sunnyvale office
Continuing my infertility train with you all again. You see I haven’t blogged for awhile trying to figure out the right balance between working and my colleagues knowing too much about my personal life. What do I mean? My husband and I have been trying to conceive again and I haven’t been too sure I want work to know this part of my life. However, I’m sure it will help someone else out there trying to work, be brave and conceive.
Since I had my son 19 months ago, we’ve been trying to conceive. I’ve been pregnant twice so far. Yes, little pink line and joy, right? However, the joy still hasn’t come. The first pregnancy was way too soon. My son was only 4-months old, and I was pregnant. Not what we were exactly planning, but hey, we would learn to roll with it. Then the many upon several ultrasounds later told us we had a Blighted Ovum. What is that you say…exactly what we said. It’s a false pregnancy. Womb keeps growing as though you’re pregnant, but no baby. Picking ourselves back up again after learning we were not really pregnant—but feeling as though we were for 12 weeks—was tough. BUT we knew we might have some issues, so we moved forward. About a month ago it finally happened again. This time no yays or jumping for joy for fear of the inevitable. Sure enough I took the blood tests for the HCG levels and found out I was already miscarrying.
SO now the big decision has been decided. We’re going to try only one more time, and this time with fertility help. We had 3 embryos left from our first IVF cycle. So now we’re going to have a natural cycle with embryo replacement at the exact moment conception would normally take place. With excitement and fear this too won’t work—I will or will not be pregnant this time next week. You see something we didn’t know when we saved those little embryos is that there is only a 50% chance they will even survive being frozen. My biggest fear I think is getting the call the morning we go in for implantation to find out none of them survived. Then I have to accept we are truly done trying.
I honestly try my hardest not to think that way though, and remain optimistic that this WILL happen for us and everything will work out just great. It’s a very long and emotional roller coaster. Trying to work and keep your personal life to yourself is also hard. Your job demands so much of your time and energy and there are days you just don’t know how you are going to get out of bed and pretend your life isn’t more complicated than it seems to others.
Crossing our fingers and hoping to come back with great news.
July 8th, 2010 by Jennifer, Compliance Paralegal, Sunnyvale office
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