Should you kiss in front of the kids?
February 19th, 2010 by Jeanne, Social Marketing, Sunnyvale office
Valentine’s Day may have come and gone, but February is the month of love, right? Gasp! Whether the thought of Cupid and straight-to-the-thighs heart-shaped chocolates make you gag or not, I’ve taken the month to consider the relationship example that my hubby and I set for our young daughter. I also asked our savvy and insightful Mother Board to consider this as well. I promise not to gross you out with the sappiness… well maybe just a little!
Growing up my parents were always lovey-dovey — not in a nauseous PDA way, but in a cute, romantic way. Nearly 30 years of marriage later they are still in love like newlyweds – my father often refers to my mother as his ‘beautiful bride’. Whether they intentionally modeled their behavior for my siblings and I or not, I do believe that watching them as a child made me the affectionate adult that I am today. I am fortunate that my parents were solid relationship role models for me then and especially now with my own marriage. Jessica of It’s Jessica’s Life says, “I’m a strong believer in kissing, hugging, holding hands in front of my children. Nothing lewd or inappropriate. Just tenderness and love really. There’s no doubt in my mind that it’s up to us to model what a loving functional relationship should look like”. While this tenderness is key, it’s also important for a child to see how a relationship really works. This means the good, the not-so-good and the bad.
Elise of Elise’s Ramblings reminded me that modeling a healthy argument is just as important as modeling love and affection. She shares detail about a recent conflict her daughter witnessed explaining, “She got to hear us both give our opinions, saw us both consider each other’s points, and finally come to a unified front.” Children need to see that parents have distinct points of view and can work together to compromise and make mutual decisions. Of course, modeling a disagreement is very different than a screaming match. Managing your own emotions and modeling good behavior can sometimes be tough.
Modeling a healthy relationship also means showing that a relationship does not always revolve around the child. Kimberley of The Go-To-Mom says “It’s easy to fall into the family trap, where kids are number one, and most of your energy is directed at taking care of your children and keeping family harmony. True family harmony comes when the mama and daddy still share a fondness for each other.” Furthermore, Amy of Occupation Mommy notes that her “occupation is Mommy, but even more importantly I am a wife. We all know how crucial it is for children’s sense of security to see a strong, healthy relationship between their parents.” So how do you put the right emphasis on your relationship especially when the kids are vying for all the attention? Leticia of Tech Savvy Mama answers this with date nights using SitterCity.com and Restaurants.com.
At 18 months old, my daughter is a mimic. She watches our every move. While she may not be interested in any type of relationship now (boys, stay away for at least 20 years!), I know that my hubby and I need to be cognizant of our behavior. It may easily affect the way she thinks about a relationship in the future. Part of this is carving out time specifically for my husband and me, and making our relationship with each other a higher priority. Of course it’s all easier said than done, but I will be calling for a date-night babysitter STAT!
**Read more about ‘Setting a Relationship Example’ from the wonderful Mother Board bloggers here.**
February 19th, 2010 by Jeanne, Social Marketing, Sunnyvale office
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